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The Hardest Part About Being Vegan
When people hear I’m vegan, I can almost see the wheels in their minds churning as they imagine how truly difficult my life must be. Existing without cheese? Impossible! And what about dining out? Or traveling? “I don’t know how you do it,” they sometimes say, shaking their heads. “That would just be too hard for me.”
While it’s true that I have occasionally missed eating cheese, and have sometimes found it difficult to dine out or eat vegan while traveling (Ireland was particularly challenging!), those things register in my book as minor inconveniences or annoyances. The real difficulty in being vegan doesn’t involve food. No, the real difficulty involves coping with other people.
The hardest part about being vegan is coming face-to-face with the darker side of humanity and trying to remain hopeful. It’s trying to understand why otherwise good and caring people continue to participate in needless violence against animals – just for the sake of their own pleasure or convenience. The hardest part is listening to endless “jokes” about how “tasty” animals are; and enduring self-conscious snickers and arrogant remarks from acquaintances, relatives, co-workers and strangers who feel threatened by our decision to live a more compassionate life. It’s fielding a seemingly endless stream of ill-informed objections about protein, god, evolution, polar bears, the Inuit and whether plants feel pain. The hardest part about being vegan is coming to the very painful realization that our faith in the inherent goodness of people might be a bit naive.
“Hell,” as Jean-Paul Sartre famously noted, “is other people.”
You may find it surprising then, when I tell you that one of the best parts of being vegan is also… other people. It’s true. Being vegan has opened my eyes to how many truly caring, empathetic, selfless and dedicated people there are in the world! And it’s heartening to see how compassion can change the hearts of even the most highly resistant and antagonistic animal users, as this incredible story about a former pig farmer illustrates.
Humans, it seems, have a tremendous capacity for empathy; but we have an equally strong capacity for apathy. We are capable of great good, and great evil. And we are, for the most part, blessed with the luxury of choosing between them. So the question becomes: which will we choose? The next time we go grocery shopping, will we choose kindness or cruelty? Will we choose to support justice or perpetuate slavery? Will we choose to care about the earth and the fate of other people, or will we continue to buy the animal-based foods which exacerbate global warming and world hunger? Will we strive to make the world a better place, or continue to defend and perpetuate its miseries?
The good news is, it’s up to us. The bad news is…it’s up to us.
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Photo: Sartre magnet on etsy
very true. it is quite painful to be personally aware of so much suffering only to be surrounded by carnists who get defensive if not down right aggressive when faced with the facts due to their cognitive dissonance. i am reminded of one of my favorite quotes:“At the moment our human world is based on the suffering and destruction of millions of non-humans. To perceive this and to do something to change it in personal and public ways is to undergo a change of perception akin to a religious conversion. Nothing can ever be seen in quite the same way again because once you have admitted the terror and pain of other species you will, unless you resist conversion, be always aware of the endless permutations of suffering that support our society.” -Arthur Conan Doyle
Thank you for sharing that insightful quote. I agree that once we open our hearts and minds to what we are doing to animals in the name of pleasure and profit, “nothing can ever be seen in quite the same way again.” I find myself profoundly changed — not only with regards to how I view animals, but how I view other people and our relationship to nature. I have become a far more compassionate person all around as a result. But I admit that I struggle to maintain compassion when faced with the antagonistic remarks from defensive carnists.
Something I need to work on!
i also struggle with this Jo, as do most vegans i know. strangers are bad enough but it is especially challenging when dealing with family members. here is another take on it from another excellent blog: http://www.nonhumanslavery.com/triggering-compassion
Thanks markgil…I maintain that blog as well! Glad you like it.
Colleen Patrick Goudreau is my hero…
Thank you for this post. I loved it. It totally encapsulated the feelings of joy and pain being vegan in our world.
You are so right. Yesterday I introduced myself on a thread about weight loss. I said I was vegan and an animal rights advocate. The very first response I got was from a woman who said, “Animal right, huh? Well, I have a closet full of minks and chinchilla fur coats. Just kidding.” I thought, “Why? Why was that necessary – to come on and mock me – to even bring up something that was obviously important to me and not the purpose of the site. I replied, “I hope you’re joking. There is nothing funny about animals being tortured and murdered for fur. I came on this site for support for my diet. Not to be insulted and have to defend my ethics.” She apologized but still, why?People are the hardest part. The sad thing is they don’t have to be, they choose to be.
A similar incident happened yesterday to someone I know…His reaction was perfect. He said, “If you knew someone was working for the Anti-Defamation League, would you send that person racist jokes?” Really, what sort of person would do that? I think intellectually we understand that such behavior is just a coping mechanism…they try to “make light” of the issue in order to avoid facing it. But still, it is incredibly rude and it’s challenging to respond to such comments with tact and persuasion. I think you did an excellent job, Rhea!
Rhea, wonder how she would have felt if you have shown her video’s of how fur coats are made? i think “The Witness” is available for free viewing online. no way she would have watched it but if she did i highly doubt she would have thought that was humorous in any way. one would be considered a psychopathic monster if they said to an anti-abortionist that they have a closet full of aborted fetuses as a joke. along with the social conditioning of carnism, speciesism is rampant.
Jo,didnt know you were involved with that blog too! both of them are wonderful resources and i try to check them everyday to see when they have been updated. you are doing a great job with both of them-thanks and keep up the great work!
Thanks Mark! On Nonhuman Slavery generally posts every Tuesday and Thursday – and you can subscribe to it if you like. This blog is more erratic… just whenever inspiration strikes.
Thank you so much for the kind words of support — it means a lot to me!
Amazing. Nothing about what I eat and use challenges me – to live any other way and ignore my conscience would be the real challenge. What does challenge me, however, is the isolation, which you perfectly encapsulated in this article!
made me cry…this is exactly how I feel and what I think, been struggling lately with the darker side of humanity so this is exactly what I needed to read right now. xoxo
Very well said. You just described how I feel.-hugs-
fantastic!!
Hi Danny,I like what you have written. This most simple of human choices (between what is right and what is wrong, to be empathic or to be apathetic) has such a profound effect on the very being of the animals. (What you said about Ireland is interesting. I agree but make sure you contact us and contact Vegan Ireland the next time you are coming and we will direct you as best we can to the meagre vegan options there are here!)All the best,Sandra
Ah, Vegan Ireland…I love it! So good to know! I will definitely contact you guys if we ever travel that way again. P.S. my name is Jo, not Danny…although Danny goes better with the Irish theme, I suppose!
I can totally relate to this. I really hope more and more people make the change to a good one.
This is so true, and it helps infinitely knowing that I’m not the only one who has a hard time. Only a few weeks ago I literally broke down one night crying inconsolably because it all felt so hopeless, and all the suffering of the world suddenly felt extremely overwhelming. I even considered killing myself because I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. Then I realized it would have been the most selfish thing to do, that if I want to help save animals, the hungry, and our mother earth, I mustn’t cry or feel sorry for myself, but be strong and do what I can no matter how much opposition I may face, even if reality makes me want to cry and cut and die, my duty is to speak and be strong and live for them.
Hello Rabbitheart,It is very important for us to take enough self-care that we are able to be strong animal advocates without becoming emotionally damaged in the process. I urge you to take care of the very vulnerable feelings you are experiencing with mention of suicide and cutting. We need to take care of ourselves not just for ourselves but for the animals. I hope this helps. With my very best wishes to you, Sandra
Rabbitheart, I can understand how you feel…I think many of us can. It’s just overwhelming sometimes: the cruelty and the apathy. I get myself out of that frame of mind by reminding myself that it’s not about ME or MY pain…it’s about other animals. And when I’m focusing on how awful I feel, I have less energy to actually try to help solve this problem. We all will have down days and moments when we feel helpless and hopeless. But we have to try and steel ourselves and become strong because we’re pretty much the only hope they (the animals) have. They need us to keep going, keep trying, keep pushing to end this needless violence! You might appreciate this blog post I just read yesterday. http://www.onegreenplanet.org/lifestyle/a-beautiful-world-moving-from-despair… Stay strong!! xo
what an altogether up;ifting and inspiring blurb thank you so much made me laugh and leap with joy as well yayay for compassionxx
Rabbitheart – here is one more link I wanted to share with you. You are certainly not alone…http://vegina.net/2011/06/15/veganism_activism_depression/
Blah blah blah. I can’t believe you’ve got the gall to call meat-eaters ‘arrogant’. Guess what chumley? When you decide to take up a behavior that 95% of the population finds weird, you’re going to get treated like your bhevior is WEIRD. And it’s not a shock to you, or to any vegan. Go ahead and pretend that your altruistic nature is what caused you to become a vegan. Go ahead and pretend that you’re just a better person than all those nasty ‘carnists’ you know.The fact is, vegans ‘come out’ mostly because they want to feel special. It’s a great package; you’ve got solid morally superior ground to stand on, and it takes actual commitment rather than lip service. I respect the dedication and the idealism. Just stop being hyper-sensitive, hypocritical, and general pricks about it. And stop pretending that you don’t get off on being different.
Is it really a rarity to claim that I chose to make the transition from vegetarianism to veganism with the sole purpose of broadening my palette and pushing myself to experiment with all kinds of culinary combinations…….and it had nothing to do with “compassion”?If anyone expresses bewilderment or rolls their eyes at me with regards to my dietary preference, I’m not bothered in the slightest, because I don’t necessarily approach veganism through an intensive activist lens. I’m vegan because I believe a vegan diet provides superior and more holistic nutrition than all other mainstream diets. And shouldn’t the joy of such a diet in its unprecedentedly diverse splendor eclipse any asperity attributed to your point of view not being understood?With all due respect, I just don’t see the expanse in stark black and white as the author claims.
I must add that I do surely respect your opinion and I do sympathize with where you’re coming from, from an emotional standpoint.It just dismays me when it is assumed being vegan is solely identified with living to a set of morals, when it just doesn’t ring true to my experience. I certainly like to believe I am compassionate and love all feathered, furry, scaly, spiny, slithery and grotesque beyond belief but absolutely adorable creatures. But I, myself, embrace veganism from the standpoint of someone who does so through the sheer joy of feeling a sense of empowerment having a choice, feeling a sense of wonder out of choosing and preparing full, dense and delicious meals, and in addition knowing that these magnanimous outcomes are directly benefiting all other creatures and this lovely planet we inhabit…………….rather than out of a more sullen view that simply eating and breathing feels like one ceaseless struggle………..that it’s always one step forward then two steps back. Again, please note I am admittedly being blunt here, but it’s not out of the purpose of putting you down or belittling your view, which I do sympathize with. I just believe, being human and being empathetic isn’t all black and white. There are pieces of hell in other people, but it’s just as true there are pieces of heaven inherent in each of us………….and if the fact we’re just as closely related to the egalitarian-minded bonobo than the sometimes unruly chimpanzee is of any indication………..I’m feeling pretty confident claiming with a straight face that we have greater potential for enormous constructive will than anything……….as destructive as we can be.
Hello Lisping Hibiscus,What you describe is a ‘Plant-Based Diet’, not veganism. The term vegan was coined by Donald Watson in 1944 in recognition of the moral consideration due to all sentient beings. The Vegan Society extended this definition in the 1950 to include avoidance of all exploitation and use of other animals by humans. Veganism is a much broader and more inclusive concept than mere dietary prescription.Sandra Higgins
Yes, Sandra is right. Veganism is by definition about the moral implications of exploiting animals. It is not a diet and does not pertain only to food. There are no “vegans for health reasons.” Why would health concerns preclude someone from buying leather or wool?
i dont usually make a habit of feeding the trolls but animals eating animals really needs to read these:”Like other ethical positions, the worth of veganism isn’t measured in comparison to the actions of another. It relies on the acceptance of certain premises, or more accurately, an acknowledgment that I already hold these principles and this is the conclusion.”http://www.vegansoapbox.com/responding-to-a-critique-on-being-holier-than-thou/”If, as a meat-eater, being exposed to this reality bothers you, it is not the fault of the vegan. Lashing out or making up endless excuses doesn’t change the stark scientific fact that animals are suffering because of our taste buds. Your neatly packaged chicken breast, all wrapped in pristine plastic, was once part of an animal that felt fear and pain. It’s called responsibility and culpability, and we’re all to blame.”http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ari-solomon/who-you-callin-vegangelic_b_290582….
Thanks for the informative links Mark. I also address the (rather bizarre) criticism that vegans are “holier-than-thou” here: http://www.thisveganlife.org/newsflash-vegans-arent-superhereosand herehttp://www.thisveganlife.org/are-vegans-holier-than-thou
Thank you so much for sharing this! This is exactly what I’m going through. And quite often, it’s just so painful. I recently returned to being a vegan because I just couldn’t bear the thought anymore that, through my eating habits, I was contributing to animal suffering. And now guess what? Today the therapist I’m seeing told me being a vegan is probably part of the reason why I am depressed in the first place because I’m putting such harsh “restrictions” ony myself and depriving myself of all the “nice stuff”. And that really upset me. Like, seriously? If anything, I am depressed because it hurts so much to see the ignorance of the people around me, especially those close to me, and them making fun of my decision not to keep living this life of animal exploitation. I was pushed into eating dairy and eggs, and even meat, by those people who thought it was “better” for me. Just as you wrote, they keep telling me how awesome all that stuff tastes and what I’m missing. And my mom knows I don’t eat anything dariy, yet she poured cows’ milk into the soup she was cooking for me and made me eat it.I often feel like giving up on mankind for the ignorance and lack of empathy, not only towards animals, but also towards humans. People that appear to be so kind and lovable turn out to be so insensitive towards all the suffering that is going on… like child labour, to name one example that involves the exploitation of humans. The list goes on…Once again, thank you for this post! You’ve touched me to the very core with it!
I love love love this! Yes. And also… once you begin to try veganism, you will start to see that you can have it all. The indulgence, and the well-being.
Hey Mark. Thanks for the links, but I know full well that what I eat causes other living creatures pain and suffering. The fact is, that’s horrible and unfair. But news flash: the world we live in is horrible and unfair. The name I posted under (animals eat animals) kinda says it all. Animals eat other animals. Every time that happens, pain and suffering are caused. Why should I expect my eating to be any different, or feel somehow irresponsible because of it?Again, in case I sounded too harsh above, I want to make clear that I bear vegans no ill will. It’s a lifestyle that I deeply respect when practiced for personal reasons. I have several vegan friends and family, including my wife. But any vegan who needs to write a blog or attack meat-eaters in general is not practicing veganism to better the world around them, or because they can’t be party to what they view as immoral behavior. They’re practicing it because they want to be seen a certain way by others or to feel a certain way about themselves.And that’s what I object to; the demonization of the rest of us in order to differentiate the vegan lifestyle as special or superior. It’s not. You’re just another animal, like me.
Animals eat animals – but they do so without having any other choice. Us human animals, on the other hand, do have a choice – we can choose to eschew animal products and minimise the pain and suffering you speak of. Really, vegans are just animals who have realised that exploiting other animals is “horrible and unfair” – and have decided to do something about it. Sad to hear that you seem to have accepted that the world is unjust and are using that to explain your carnism; for me, recognising that injustice has had the opposite effect.
@Animals eat Animals “…any vegan who needs to write a blog or attack meat-eaters in general is not practicing veganism to better the world around them, or because they can’t be party to what they view as immoral behavior. They’re practicing it because they want to be seen a certain way by others or to feel a certain way about themselves.”So you’re saying that any vegan who has a voice is only speaking out of a sense of superiority? So you want vegans to be silent? When so many of us would never be vegan if others hadn’t spoken up? Why? Do we make you questions your choices? Clearly you don’t understand veganism if you think that we only live this lifestyle to be viewed a certain way by others. Vegans represent less than 1% of the population. By choosing veganism, we get to constantly hear about it from the other 99%. It’s not an easy decision.”And that’s what I object to; the demonization of the rest of us in order to differentiate the vegan lifestyle as special or superior. It’s not. You’re just another animal, like me.”Consider this: if you feel demonized by vegans who write and speak about the truth of what goes on in factory farming and other animal industries, then maybe it’s your own behaviour, and not the words of others, that is igniting discomfort within you.You can choose to eat like an animal (a carnivore to be specific), but if you want to make more conscious choices this is when you truly get to claim your humanity. Not all animals eat animals.
Isla Michelle Lauren Kay – I don’t feel demonized by vegans who write about what goes on in animal industries. I haven’t posted to those blog entries. I feel demonized by the blog I chose to respond to, this one here, which states that meat-eaters have less “inherent goodness” than vegans; in other words, demonizing me.Do you use electricy? Fish are killed constantly at the dams which power our grids. Pain and suffering is inflicted upon them, so you and I can watch TV at night.Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you (or any other vegan) is a bad person for using electricity. But isn’t there a logical inconsistancy in your moral code there?I’m willing to kill animals because I’m hungry. You’re willing to kill animals so that you can have clean clothes and get on the internet. I just want vegans to stop pretending there’s anything more “human” about your “conscious choices” than mine.
Isla Michelle Lauren Kay – I don’t feel demonized by vegans who write about what goes on in animal industries. I haven’t posted to those blog entries. I feel demonized by the blog I chose to respond to, this one here, which states that meat-eaters have less “inherent goodness” than vegans; in other words, demonizing me.Do you use electricy? Fish are killed constantly at the dams which power our grids. Pain and suffering is inflicted upon them, so you and I can watch TV at night.Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you (or any other vegan) is a bad person for using electricity. But isn’t there a logical inconsistancy in your moral code there?I’m willing to kill animals because I’m hungry. You’re willing to kill animals so that you can have clean clothes and get on the internet. I just want vegans to stop pretending there’s anything more “human” about your “conscious choices” than mine.
I just wanted to share this video to everyone. This is great.!Are You PERFECT?!! (Tu Quoque Debate Fallacy) by Shelley Williamshttp://www.oppressthis.com/are-you-perfect-tu-quoque-debate-fallacy/
the difference is that you are directly causing the suffering and death of dozens of animals a year (some estimates are as high as 100) all because you enjoy how they taste (although a more accurate statement would be “are used to eating them”). how many fish are killed in dams per person consuming electricity? to me, it’s like accidentally running over a squirrel that runs in front of your car even though you do everything to avoid it as opposed to swerving to plow into a big group of animals on the side of the road because you enjoy doing so. intention is everything. Leo Tolstoy said it best- “A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral.”btw, if you are concerned about fish being killed in dams, you should also go vegan as vastly more amounts of electricity are consumed by raising and transporting livestock as opposed to growing crops for human consumption.
Thanks, Mark Gil. I was just going to make that argument: vegans generally want to do everything they can to reduce their harmful impacts. There are many indirect ways of harming animals, but we can certainly change the ways that we directly hurt them. To eat steak, an animal definitely has to die. To eat a salad, some animals perhaps died (farming, animals displacement, etc.) Which is the better option? I’m pretty sick of hearing the argument: if you can’t do it all, why bother to even try? Do what you can, but ask yourself if you’re challenging yourself to make decisions that consider animals and the environment. Animalseatanimals, not only are you killing animals out of ‘hunger’ (for flesh), you are also killing them for your electricity, TV, etc. How do you feel about factory farming? Are you ok with the way things are going in animal agriculture? What are you doing about it? Have you looked at the situation head-on? Most can’t bring themselves to watch the footage or go to the slaughterhouses.Vegans and animal activists are trying to change these profoundly sick systems. Our concern is not what others are doing specifically, but how to share information that is generally kept behind closed doors and then draw attention to those atrocities. I’ll have to remind you that you did write: “any vegan who needs to write a blog or attack meat-eaters in general is not practicing veganism to better the world around them” insinuating that ANY vegan who writes a blog (ie. speaks out) is overstepping their place. I suggest you read my blog: dawnofanewera.wordpress.com. I’d be more than happy to hear your critique.
thank you for your amazing blog Isla. looks like you put quite a bit of time and effort into it. i will have to read more of the archives when i get a chance.
@animals eat animals – the idea is to cause the least amount of suffering and harm to others, and certainly to avoid the unnecessary horrors caused by consuming animals simply for the sake of our own pleasure, convenience or habit. You’re right that it’s not possible to live in this world without causing some degree of harm, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to live as compassionately and nonviolently as possible.
Jo, thank you for this post. To echo what you and others have said. The hardest part of being vegan for me is seeing speciesism so clearly, yet feeling so impotent to effect any change. As you said not being able to find something to eat all the time, or the occasional craving, are really just inconveniences. TY
found this posted on facebook:”The hardest thing about being vegan isn’t finding delicious food, it’s not about protein intake, B12, living without M&Ms, or locating cruelty-free cosmetics… It’s coping with the pain and injustice you see everywhere around you, it’s trying not to cry when you pass a “livestock” transport truck on the highway, it’s going to sleep after watching another MFA video, and it’s the constant battle within yourself not to condemn or feel hatred for those so blind as to mock you for your compassion. Have you hugged a vegan today?” – Joy Lasa Smetze
Sounds familiar Mark! But I guess truths often do…If her post was inspired by mine, I’d be flattered.
This is so true! I found there are some days that I just want to scream and shake people not because I am a violent person. However, it seems there is an urgent matter at hand, and people, are just not aware or so disconnected they can’t even grasp it. So, I feel like a good shake will wake them up
Then, there is the other side of the coin. I work at a vegan friendly Cafe in southern Indiana – and I am AMAZED at how many vegans are popping up everyday 
It is truly inspiring and invigorating…. knowing the momentum is gaining.